The Darwin Fish
Thursday, July 30, 2009 at 09:46PM I'll admit it. I have a silly Darwin fish bumper sticker on my car. I actually bought it when we were on our honeymoon. And most of the time I rarely think about it at all. Its most useful feature is that it helps identify my car when it's lost in the mall parking lot or something.
But one time, when I was driving to the local department store, this guy was like totally riding my ass, to the point where I was actually starting to get a little alarmed. He was an older guy, sort of in his sixties I'd say. He drove a small orange mini-SUV type car. I pulled into the store parking lot, parked my car and the guy is idling his car behind mine, scowling at me. I didn't recall cutting him off or anything and before I can ask he preempts me by asking if he can ask me a question. My usual response when someone asks me that in a weird way is to immediately say "no" and walk away. But something was urging me to take the bait. I should also probably mention at this point that it was not a pleasant day out. It was cold and rainy, and starting to rain harder.
"What?" I say.
"What's with the fish on your car?"
I sort of blinked at him.
"Oh you mean the Darwin fish?"
"Yes."
"Ah, it's a play on the Jesus fish...because I'm an atheist," I added helpfully.
He stared at me from inside the smug confines of his car like I had just admitted to ritualistic baby-eating.
"You know that's all a lie, right?" he said.
At this point I was starting to grow tired of him already, and was starting to walk toward the store. But he persisted and actually started driving alongside me.
"Tell me how it works then," he said.
I stopped.
"Tell you how what works? Evolution by natural selection?"
"Yes."
It is now raining quite hard.
"I'm not going to stand in the rain and explain high school level biology to you. Go read a fucking book."
"I do read books!"
I'm now walking determinedly away.
"Obviously not the right ones."
I'm now most of the way to the store's front entrance, but he's still driving creepily by me and he's now shouting "TELL ME HOW IT WORKS!"
Maybe it was wrong of me to walk away. Maybe I should have taken the time to explain it. But you know what, I don't think he would've listened. If you're the type to follow people with bumper stickers you don't like, you're probably 9/10's of the way to crazy anyway. In any case, that's my personal story of random confrontation with the logically impaired. Hope you like it and "TELL ME HOW IT WORKS!!"
--Wallace
